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Battered wives are responsible for
their husband's actions.
Many batterers deny responsibility for their actions, claiming that their wives provoke them. Even some friends of the family may buy into the idea that the wife is difficult to deal with, so no wonder that her husband loses control now and then. But this amounts to blaming the victim and justifying the aggressor. Really, battered wives often make extraordinary efforts to pacify their husbands. Besides, beating one's partner is never justified under any circumstances. The book The Batterer—A Psychological Profile states: "Men who are sent by the courts to treatment for wife assault are addicted to violence. They use it as a release from anger and depression, a way to take control and resolve conflicts, and a tension reducer. . . . Often, they can't even acknowledge their role or take the problem seriously."
Alcohol causes a man to beat his wife.
Granted, some men are more violent when they have been drinking. But is it reasonable to blame the alcohol? "Being intoxicated gives the batterer something to blame, other than himself, for his behavior," writes K. J. Wilson in her book When Violence Begins at Home. She continues: "It appears that, in our society, domestic violence is more comprehensible when inflicted by a person who is intoxicated. An abused woman can avoid seeing her partner as abusive, instead thinking of him as a heavy drinker or an alcoholic." Such thinking, Wilson points out, can give a woman the false hope that "if the man would only stop drinking, the violence would cease."
Currently, many researchers consider drinking and battering to be two distinct problems. After all, the majority of men with substance-abuse problems do not beat their mates. The writers of When Men Batter Women note: "Battering is fundamentally perpetuated by its success in controlling, intimidating, and subjugating the battered woman. . . . Alcohol and drug abuse are part of the lifestyle of the batterer. But it would be a mistake to assume that the drug use causes the violence."
Batterers are violent with everyone.
Often the batterer is capable of being a delightful friend to others. He puts on what can be called the Jekyll-and-Hyde personalities. This is why friends of the family may find the stories of his violence unbelievable. Yet, the truth is, the wife beater chooses brutality as a way to dominate his wife.
Women do not object to being mistreated.
Likely, this idea stems from not understanding the helpless situation of a woman who has nowhere to run. The battered wife may have friends who will take her in for a week or two, but what will she do after that? Finding a job and paying rent while caring for children are daunting prospects. And the law may forbid running off with the children. Some have tried to leave but were hunted down and taken back, either by force or by charm. Friends who cannot understand may mistakenly believe that such women did not object to the mistreatment.
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